The Last Jedi – A spoiler free and butt-hurt review

I hated this movie. It kills me. This is not an easy review to do.

Luke Skywalker in black robes.

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For starters it’s tough because I want to talk about it without giving away any spoilers but mostly it’s difficult because the general early consensus among critics for Star Wars: The Last Jedi is that it is great. They love it. “One of the Most Intelligent Blockbusters of the Year”, “An Explosive Thrill Ride Of Galactic Proportions”, “A Welcome Disturbance in The Force,” they’re saying. The professionals are unanimously gushing over it… BUT, according to Rotten Tomatoes and some other forums/websites, some of the fans have other ideas. I think a lot of them have been split right down the middle with their opinions.

You might have seen my live videos on Facebook from the midnight screening, actually no you didn’t. You were all asleep or doing better things. Anyways I was excited. PUMPED. I really REALLY wanted to like this movie. Sadly, I did not.

I came out of the cinema thinking, yeah that was good. I kept telling myself it was good all the way home but once the shock wore off, my reality gradually set in. There were a lot of moments where I had my hands up in the air going “what the fuck?”, but not like “gasp! what the fuck?” More like “what the actual fuck!?!?”.

Before I go any further I will say you need to see it for yourself. If you wanted to see this movie as bad as I did then you absolutely still should, do not under any circumstances let this butt-hurt, hack review hold you back.

I’ll start with the positives. It’s visually spectacular and the actors for the most part all deliver fantastic performances. Daisy Ridley is perfect, Oscar Isaac is excellent, Mark Hamill steals the show and Carrie Fisher is beautiful, it’s bittersweet being able to see her on the screen as Princess Leia one last time.

So why didn’t I like it?

Well, it’s as if Disney has left the cover off the Star Wars sandbox overnight and a big tomcat in the form of writer/director Rian Johnson snuck into the yard and defecated right in the middle of it.

Star Wars movies have a very distinct look and feel and while there’s a little bit of wriggle room in there, when you’re in the middle of a trilogy and you bring in a new director, and he wants to tinker with things you’ve got problems. I just feel like Johnson’s ego was such that he wanted to make his mark with his own Star Wars movie, whereas JJ Abrahms in making The Force Awakens was more focused on the fans and writing some past wrongs.

I think Johnson has zeroed in on newer and younger fans, which is probably smart business. A lot of people have seen this film as one that is pushing boundaries and taking risks but this old fan just sees it as him shitting in the sandbox. Especially when you get the not so subtle messages he’s put out there with lines like, “this is not going to go the way you think” and “let the past die, kill it”.

The continuity is broken between this movie and The Force Awakens right at the opening crawl and the knockout punch happens in the first scene between Luke and Rey. Even the creatures don’t look quite right, if you were worried about Porgs being a dumb and unnecessary addition you had good reason to, they’re rubbish.

Johnson takes the majority of characters from the prequel, tosses them around like a salad and sends some of them, like Finn, off on pointless story arcs. I was watching him go through his scenes thinking, I honestly do not give a shit about what happens to this character now. And the worst part is that the movie doesn’t really adequately address most of the big unaswered questions from The Force Awakens or when it does offer any exposition it seems tossed aside and we’re onto the next scene. These are the “what the fuck?” moments I’m talking about. Then there’s the “why the fuck?” moments—introducing either pointless or irritating characters, like Benicio Del Toro’s, DJ who looks and talks like a poor imitation of Brad Pitt’s character from 12 Monkeys or Lara Dern’s Vice Admiral Holdo, who seems to be repping the purple rinse brigade.

And then there’s the jokes, this film is jam packed with jokes. Some of them are very funny but a lot of them take the edge off the really dramatic moments. Most of them are made at the expense of the First Order and it makes them come across about as menacing as a stifled fart. Particularly Domnhall Gleeson’s General Hux, who has been relegated to slapstick comic relief, when you put him up against similar characters from movies past like Director Krennic or Grand Moff Tarkin, he just doesn’t make any sense!

Look, it’s not completely devastating, And I am still curious to know how things will resolve in the aftermath of the events that took place in this film, but I won’t be going out of my way to attend a goddamn midnight screening for the next one.

If you’ve been to see it and you loved it, I am sincerely very happy for you, I actually wish I was in that camp and if you’re like me and you hated you’ll get over it, either that or you might be able to make a fortune selling your toy collection. It’s just a movie, it’s not the event that previous Star Wars films have been, there was no goosebumps, no chills, just lots of jokes, a director with a big ego and a really poor interpretation of good characters.


10 Comments on The Last Jedi – A spoiler free and butt-hurt review

  1. Oh man….I feel you. I completely agree. I just came from the theatre myself. I’m angry….just so incredibly angry at what they did in this movie. After years of anticipation, after all kinds of theories, they came up with…..well, this. I have been a star wars fan for almost thirty years now. I have read countless novels, comics, collected several merchandise and have seen all the other movies more times than I can count. And now this happens, a movie that for me has pretty much destroyed the franchise. I’m beyond words. But I’m glad I am not the only one that seems to feel this way. One look at this review as well as over on IMDB and we can pretty much say that there are legions of fans that feel the same. Such a major disappointment….incredible 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mate, thanks so much for your comment on this one. I have to say, in watching all of the reviews coming out this week, I was terrified to say what I thought. I feel like I was watching a different film. I want this to be shared among the fans, I wanted to put my rep out there on this because I love Star Wars so much, it is why I watch and love films. This has been quite heart breaking, if I am being honest. I find it unbelievable, to the point where I think I need to see it again, just to get it straight in my head and make peace with it. It just feels like total garbage.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well…that’s pretty much going to be the same with me. I will write a review for it tomorrow, but I really am going to be honest in saying what I feel. The more I think about this film, the more I think about the decisions they have made, the story elements….the angrier I am becoming. Seriously…what a waste, and what a disappoint. Like I said if you meed more confirmation, just check out IMDB. It’s bursting with negative reviews…they just keep streaming in. I feel the same: it’s absolutely heartbreaking. The feeling I get I that some snotnosed kid (Ryan Johnson), just got this really expensive toy and just decided to break it because he can. It’s a really sad day, and wow has my mood been effected by this…seriously 😢

        Liked by 1 person

      • I know. I have been chatting with friends all week who have been gutted by it. And it has nothing to do with the new characters but everything to do with how they have been treated in this film. I am baffled as to how hey managed to get it so wrong.


  2. Unlucky. Seriously, I never watched another of moment of anything labelled “Star Wars” after The Phantom Menace. I guess I was happy for my childhood to remain unsoiled by commercial concerns. Life moves on, and so did I.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wise words from a wise man. You should check out Rogue One though,
      I think it’s the best one since Empire. Also, the fans make better movies than the Disney douches these days anyways! 👍🏻


  3. David Sibley // December 17, 2017 at 8:07 am // Reply

    Well, it was spectacularly made and the acting was excellent, for a Star Wars movie – I mean imagine Adam Driver as Anakin Skywalker instead of poor ol’ Haydn Christensen or whatever his name was, and Mark Hamill did very well, although I did want to slap Oscar Isaacs for overdoing the righteous jock act. But too many questions remain unanswered, like, who was Snoke, where did he come from, why was he deformed, was he a Sith, and why the stupid name? So I’m really ambivalent about it and will have to think about it somemore but I can understand why many were upset by this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi David, for me it just didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie. In the cold light of day I am certainly feeling the wrath of the fans who liked it. Haha! I have broad shoulders though.


  4. Sibs and Joe give the thumbs down. That hurts. This is going to be a rough ride but I am still prepared to go in open minded boys. Will share my thoughts from the Sunshine State next week. Kenny

    Liked by 1 person

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