NEWS

No Merthy – nothing but the tooth in this review

It's about this time of year the fatigue sets in with WWE. However, if there's one superstar on the rise in the WWE that will keep you interested it's Braun Strowman.

Brock Lesnar and Braun Strowman promo for No Mercy

The guy truly is a monster among men, and to see him go one on one against Brock Lesnar, the monster vs the beast, it’s almost enough to carry you through an otherwise boring undercard.

Let’s check out the matches.

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Intercontinental Championship

The Miz v Jason Jordan

I think in many ways the Miz carries RAW as far as story telling goes, however I’ve found the Jason Jordan story that comes with this match in a word, retarded. It kind of sucks that the Miz is an accessory to this storyline.

Jordan being unveiled as Kurt Angle’s illegitimate son a month or so ago was almost convincing, what with all the emotion that went with it. The fact that it isn’t real, in this day and age where kayfabe is a such hard thing to maintain, and was debunked within hours of them breaking this #fakenews just adds to the lameness.

Jason Jordan lines up to punch the Miz

Both guys can wrestle though and they put on a hell of a curtain raiser. The match is full of hard hitting moves suplexes, slams and tonnes of nice big loud bumps. Jordan’s rolling Northern Lights is incredibly impressive.

LAte in the match Jordan gets Miz in a cross face in the middle of the ring and he almost taps, but finds the ropes instead.

The Miztourage of course interfere and provide adequate distraction for the Miz to take the win.

Jordan is interviewed in the middle of the ring at the end, why? It’s a sucky end to an otherwise decent match.

Winner (and still Intercontinental Champion): The Miz

🍿🍿🍿

Bray Wyatt v Finn Balor

Basically a repeat of the match from Summerslam off the back of Wyatt sabotaging Balor’s certain victory in a battle royal on RAW a week or two ago. This feud seems to be great on paper but it is just not firing in real life for me. They’re worthy of a second chance though.

No Demon King for Balor tonight. Because you know, he controls the Demon, not the other way around or some shit.

Wyatt ambushes Balor before the bell and it sets the tone for the match. Although Balor chucks on a sell for a rib injury after copping a pounding on the announcer’s table and the officials cart Balor off to the locker room. Wyatt gloats on the mic and Balor, who is about to go backstage comes charging back down the gangway and the match starts.

Wyatt is pretty dominant in this match and spends a lot of time beating on Balor and camping it up. I’m warming to Balor, he brings a lot of intensity and I think without the Demon King gimmick I’m also warming to this rivalry.

Balor tosses Wyatt out of the ring

I’m fucked if I know why Wyatts bridge is so scary and freezes people in their tracks though. Agile fat guys are interesting, but far from menacing. It reminds me of when John Belushi used to do backflips, it makes me smile, not quake with fear.

Balor comes back in the late stages while selling the rib injury throughout. Wyatt loses the shiteating grin, gets nasty and starts tossing Balor around like garbage. Balor eventually gets around him though and hits a second Coup De Gras on Wyatt to finish the match.

That was actually pretty good! I want to see Wyatt win this little war though.

Winner: Finn Balor

🍿🍿🍿🍿

RAW Tag Team Championship

Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose v Shaemus and Cesaro

It feels like these guys are the only two tag teams on RAW doesn’t it? So Rollins and Ambrose took the title from these guys at Summerslam and here we go, another rematch. It’s a bit shit that we get two Summerslam rematches back to back on the the card. I was about to be proven wrong though in what would be the match of the night.

Cesaro swinging Ambrose into the steel steps in the early stages is pretty great. This leads to a shoulder injury that causes Ambrose to be stuck in Shaemus’ and Cesaro’s corner for some time before he can make a tag to Rollins.

Before he does, Ambrose slingshots Cesaro teeth first into the ring post, it’s an awesome botch. There’s a lot of blood and he actually loses a couple of teeth! It’s something you really don’t get to see these days in the WWE and it for the moment they leave Rollins and Shaemus to carry the match.

You’ve got to hand it to Thetharo, he returnths the the apron pretty thoon after and continueth the match.

Cesaro and Shamus show off Cesaro's busted teeth

Cesaro and Shamus tweeted this image after the match.

This match is brutal, mostly thanks to a stellar performance from the heels. I can’t believe Thetharo, the nerve pain from having his front teeth knocked out would have been excruthiating! It is an ugly injury.

The crowd says it all, “this is awesome”.

White Noise from Shaemus on Ambrose followed by Thetharo power bombing Rollins onto Ambrose from the second rope is spectacular, made only more amazing by Ambrose kicking out.

The ending is a bit confusing, Shaemus Brogue Kicks Thetharo by mistake, Rollins collects him with a knee and Ambrose finished it with Dirty Deeds.

Amazing match overall. The botch made it all the more perfect.

A dude lost his teeth, how can you score any less than 5/5?*

UPDATE – Turns out he didn’t lose his teeth at all, they were pushed up into his upper jaw. Ouch!

Winner (and still RAW tag champs): Rollins and Ambrose

🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

Womens Fatal Five Way for the RAW Women’s Title

Alexa Bliss v Nia Jax v Sahsa Banks v Emma v Bailey

This looks like it’s gonna be a complicated way to put Nia Jax over. Basically the whole RAW women’s roster going at it for the title. It also marks Bailey’s return to the ring following a separated shoulder.

I just can’t see this match being anything but a mess. Or Alexa Bliss being able to retain the title which is a shame because I think she is pretty great.

It’s pretty lame from the bell. Emma is definitely the weak link but none of them are doing a very good job at selling early on. Jax does a decent job throwing everyone else around for a while though, including a double Samoan Drop on Banks and Bliss.
Promo shot for women's fatal five way, Emma, Bailey, Bliss, Banks and Jax

I think, after watching Cesaro knock his front teeth out in the match prior makes it harder for this to go over.

Nia botches a bump off the apron to the floor about halfway through now that sees her land on her neck. The intensity picks up in her absence, she makes a short lived return and gets taken out on the ring post.

I was wrong, Bliss ends the match with a DDT on Bailey and shocks the fans with the win.

I’m glad Bliss won but it was a messy arse match.

Winner (and still RAW Women’s Champion): Alexa Bliss

🍿🍿

John Cena v Roman Reigns

Meh. Maybe this is so Cena can mentor Reigns and teach him to cut a decent promo. Still, it gives Cena a good chance to be the mouthpiece for the fans, who still really hate Reigns. Mind you, both guys have heat from the haters, but Reigns wins the most hated stakes hands down.

It looks like Cena’s enjoying every minute of his run as a free agent/part timer and you get the feeling he’s on the home stretch career wise. Tonight he’s the fan favourite against Reigns.

I just hate watching Reigns wrestle. I fucking hate it. It’s so one dimensional and boring. I could script a Reigns match in my sleep. You’re gonna see clothes lines, spears, superman punches and not much more. His opponents have to work hard to put him over.

The crowd make their intentions clear right off the bat with a “you both suck” chant. Cena plays with it and decides to walk out, of course a Reigns follows and brings him back to the ring.

Nobody cares about this match. I hate this match.

Cena of course carries the match, and the crowd, through. A Super AA off the second rope keeps things sort of interesting. They take it outside and demolish some announcers tables to move things along.

I’m just sick to death of these long arse matches where Reigns supposedly wins the respect of his opponents/spectators by a taking a fucktonne of punishment and kicking out only to spear and Superman Punch his way to victory.

Cena raises Reigns' arm in victory

Cena raises Reigns’ hand in victory after the match, I just want to vomit.

Fuck off.

Winner: Reigns.

I’m not rating this match. Next.

As a post script, Cena takes his time to exit the ring, he seems genuinely emotional and a “thank you Cena” chant goes up. He takes a bow, heads up the gangway, salutes the crowd and heads to the locker room. Did we just witness his last match? Please don’t let it be with Reigns.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Neville v Enzo Amore

Cue five minutes of Enzo running his mouth. Something had to give and bumping him to cruiserweights was a good move. You would expect he’s no match for Neville though and honestly he’s become a novelty act which is a shame because I think he’s definitely got some talent.

It’s a slow match by Cruiserweight standards and it feels like a toilet/drink break before the main event.

Neville has Enzo in a front face lock

Enzo’s DDT from the top rope was pretty cool though, as was him getting thrown out of the ring into the timekeeper’s area and stealing the belt. He distracted the ref for long enough to to not only get back into the ring but also land a low blow on Neville and win the match and steal the title.

Winner (and new Cruiserweight Champion): Enzo Amore

🍿🍿

WWE Universal Championship

Brock Lesnar V Braun Strowman

This is such a fantastic matchup that will hopefully be a rivalry they will build all the way to Wrestlemania. Strowman at the moment is unstoppable. He’s so awesome.

The chemistry between these guys at Summerslam was electric, it was like no one else mattered in that match and tonight we are getting what we want. Will they put over Strowman? I’m tipping not yet, it’s gonna happen though, eventually.

I think this will be a quick match and a serve as a teaser for more to come.

Strowman fends of Lesnar easily at the bell and just throws his attacks off. Lesnar suplexes Strowman, Strowman counters with a choke slam and a running powerslam.

Strowman is dominant early on and Lesnar looks like he’s got nothing. He can’t even lift Strowman into the F5 and sells a back injury from the attempt.

Lesar ducks a clothesline from Strowman

Lesnar is not a little dude and it’s pretty impressive seeing Strowman throw him around. Lesnar does manage to lock the Kimora on Strowman and appears to have damaged his arm, which a sees a shift that gives Lesnar the chance to stage a comeback and take him to Suplex city. Strowman returns fire with some powerslams.

Lesnar however is able to finish him off with an F5. Like I said, more of a taste of things to come. I feel like this match was a focus group with the fans. It wasn’t an amazing match by any standard but it was good to see the two square off and chuck each other around.

Also, it kind of sucks that the rest of the locker room has to suffer the Brock Lesnar push when Strowman is clearly a better wrestler and entertainer. I can see Strowman as the next big thing, literally, like Hogan, Austin, The Rock and Cena before him.

Winner (and still Universal Champion): Lesnar

🍿🍿🍿

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