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Spiderman fans finally get what’s (home)coming

Spiderman gets close to being done right but Marvel take the safe route in what would have to be their most conservative movie yet.

Spiderman battling the Vulture over New York City with Iron Man


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There wasn’t a lot of choice on the opening week for Spiderman Homecoming. He really had the box office all to himself.

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And so here we are, another fucking superhero movie.

I’m torn.

Comics and Superhero’s have been a huge part of my life especially my childhood and initially I was thrilled that Hollywood finally cottoned on but now I’m annoyed by fact they started making them by the truckload. It’s like when your favorite fast food place opens down the road from your house, so you have it all the time and then one day; you decide you never want it again.

Another fucking Spiderman movie.

Again, I’m torn because the recent Spiderman movies have been utter piles of shit. And following on from a run of trailers that looked to reveal pretty much the entire plot of the film (you may have seen the opinion piece I did over on thewatchman.com.au a month or so ago) did I really need to see another one? No, I absolutely did not!

BUT, in the interests of keeping the content ticking over AND the fact that it’s school holidays here in Australia, you’re buggered if you can find anything to watch during the small window of opportunity you may have to go to the cinema and so it would seem that fate, the universe or whatever powers govern the multiverse wanted me to see Spiderman.

It’s not all bad. Spidey has been a much loved and long-time favorite of mine, so it would be good if they could give him a decent movie, and by and large with this one, they do. But don’t expect anything too out of the box. The superhero template has been applied and you won’t see anything ground breaking here.

I’m happy that this character finally seems to have the movie reboot he deserves because rebooting Spiderman has been getting tired. Tom Holland is awesome as Peter Parker and Spiderman and this reimagining of his character with Tony Stark as his mentor is actually a really good angle on the character and ties in with the Marvel Cinematic Universe nicely.

The first thing you notice with this film is that there are a lot of hands in this pie, from the opening Sony logo introducing the film to the new and flashy Marvel films logo that shows up after the prologue. Then you look at the story and all the hands that were involved in writing it Director Jon Watt and five others in fact. It appears that there’s been a lot of work put in to bringing this character into the Marvel Cinematic universe without fucking it up.

Which is good and bad. It’s a fun movie but it is played very safe. On the surface it appears that they have tried to ensure everyone is represented, there’s a nice racial mix of characters and I am pretty sure I saw a token on-binary character in there too. So take a bow for progressing with the times Marvel, we’re an inclusive society, everyone gets a participation award.

This is also actually reflected in their comics at the moment. It has been a long time since I picked up a Spiderman story but the Spiderman comics of today reflect a much more diverse character and city that he operates in. The new Ultimate Spiderman, Miles Morales is actually of mixed African American and Latino descent, still bitten by a radioactive Spider though. We could learn a lot about acceptance of other cultures and how to live discrimination free from those radioactive spiders.

African-American-Latino Spiderman, Miles Morales

We can tie this little tidbit back to the movie too.

And, here is some super nerdy trivia for you. Don’t be surprised if old Miles pops up in this Spiderman cinematic timeline. How? Well there’s a scene where Donald Glover’s character, Aaron Davis is buying weapons off the bad guys and in the comics, Aaron Davis is a villain called the Prowler and Aaron Davis is also Miles Morale’s uncle. I’m digressing here, sorry, but maybe this is how Sony and Marvel can divide up the character and keep both parties happy, Marvel, you can have Peter Parker and Sony you can have Miles Morales, and every second school holidays you can stay with the other studio, just make sure both parties keep paying their maintenance.

Sony could be the real winner here, I’m sure there’s a lot of savings to be had hiring an African America/Latino actor, and if they change Spiderman to a woman they will save a fucktonne!

Ok, enough of my bullshit. That’s a little unfair, as I said a very diverse cast here, even Peter’s school bully character Flash has been downgraded from a run of the mill jock to one of his teammates on the academic decathlon team and is played by Tony Revolori who is of Guatemalan Descent.

It’s also very wholesome, Peter Parker is only a Fifteen year old kid here and there’s a scene where Peter and his mate go to Peter’s girl crush Liz’s place for a party while her parents are away.

It is the most inoffensive thing I have ever seen in my life. They are so well behaved. The best insult that Flash can come up with for Peter is ‘Penis Parker’. I don’t care where you’re from, no fifteen year old behaves like that, for starters, the party would have been promoted on social media, the guests would have blown out to a minimum of 500 gatecrashers, the cops would have been called several times, the neighborhood would have been raised to the ground by daybreak and there’d be a queue at the doctors the following day for either morning after pills or people to have their stomach pumped. They would in reality be a more formidable enemy than Hydra and need all the Avengers combined to sort those little fuckers out.

Anyways the story is cookie cutter stuff. Michael Keaton plays Adrian Tooms who is working on the cleanup post the Avengers incident in New York from the first Avengers movie. They get laid off; he steals some of the alien tech and starts building weapons of his own to sell on the black market to small time crims. He’s not really on the Avenger’s radar because in the grand scheme of things he’s small time. Fast forward 8 years and Peter Parker is back fresh from his stint at the airport in Germany helping Iron Man out beating up Captain America from Civil War. They let him keep the suit that Tony Stark had made for him on the proviso that he doesn’t aim to big, you know, sticks to helping old ladies cross the street and rescuing cats out of trees. He of course stumbles upon the Tooms, operation and gets in way over his head and Toom’s has become the Vulture.

Michael Keaton in character as The Vulture

The rest you pretty much know from the trailers but there are a few surprises in there to keep you interested. You’re going to get a few little action scenes, a montage followed by a big action scene where things don’t go to plan and then the road to redemption during the final act leading to the gripping conclusion. If you think I’m spoiling anything you’re an idiot.

There are a lot of things that I have read online from fans that have them divided over this adaptation of a character with a lot of heritage but I actually liked the fact that they’ve tried to pull Spidey into the avengers mix by giving him this high tech Stark Industries suit. Get over it, they re-write these characters all the time; they can’t spin the exact same shit for over 50 years without making a few tweaks here and there. I thought it worked really well, and Tom Holland is by far the best Spiderman we have seen in recent times. He’s got that teen movie John Hughes type charm that really suits the character right down to the ground, you’ll even spot Ferris Bueller’s day off in the background in one scene!

I think the charm about Spiderman is that he’s just an everyday kid, who made good. Almost as if whatever he stumbled upon is attainable. You know, maybe I could be bitten by a radioactive spider and wake up with powers, I’d still be that awkward kid bit I would have this secret and super cool double life that would make me feel better about myself. Of course, if you try and get bitten by a spider, especially in Australia they are likely to fucking kill you, or give you some nasty flesh eating necrosis that will cause shit to fall off you.

Spiderman lying down on a ledge relaxng with headphones wearing his yellow academic decathlon jacket

It’s good clean fun as a film but as far as fleshing out the character they have a long way to go, it felt like it didn’t have much in it but still was two hours long. Michael Keaton was a great bad guy, but he should be on account of the fact that he’s a great actor. The special effects and action sequences were on point and the cool gadgets and tech were great, including the controversial Spidey suit voiced by Jennifer Connelly.

Fans wanting more Spidey after this need not worry because it looks like Tom Holland is on for at least four or five more movies and so as long as he doesn’t overdose in the Viper Room or some shit the character is in a good place from and he’s got the ultimate mentor in Robert Downey Jr so Tom Holland the person is in safe hands there right? Let’s just hope that the creative team at Marvel doesn’t derail this current version.

I look at Spiderman homecoming as a safer cleaner Deadpool. It was a lot of fun, charming and there wasn’t anything too outrageous for an old fan that had kind of given up on him and had nothing better to watch at the time.

It’s one of the better superhero movies with the same formulated plot that has been applied a hundred times before.

But I’m in a good mood so I give it three out of five. 🍿🍿🍿

2 Comments on Spiderman fans finally get what’s (home)coming

  1. Well, I will be seeing the movie today. A film that has been gathering a lot of praise/hype, I am always cautious in getting excited for it. I have been disappointed in that regard quite a bit. I like it that this review also puts the spotlight on the flaws of the movie. Great post! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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